I am reading ^ So many Olympic exertions^ and 🤧🐌
Friend.
I always find comfort in watching adult friendships. In fiction, in real life, to think people like each other with their flaws without romance, exist in the same space without a lot of reason, it just a wonderful thing for me to see. Although, i don’t have anything like that in my life, and my empathy makes me think that i don’t value other relationships in my life because i crave this kind of friendship, is very sad.
After watching these kinds of fiction, i often cry and the imagine how my life would be if i had loads of people to give affection. Affection now is not very equally divided amongst my relationships 🤡😶
Photo credit - this photo is from Ep.9, min 14.2, of the Korean Drama ’ Divorce attorney Shin’ on Netflix USA.
I tried to reschedule an appointment. I felt so grown up. The feeling of last week is still so fresh,I don’t know how to rub it all away. While putting on moisturizer today, the smell is vaguely familiar from many years ago, did i use something like this long ago?
Tingle on my toes.🥞🫚🍇
There has been a lot of time where I just want to not do the things i like doing, at work and in life, but once i think about giving up, there is this strange feeling,like I have a tingle on my toe that i cannot scratch and just have to wait it out to let it go. Once i wait this out, this feeling of not wanting to do the things i like goes away.
I often wonder what is this reminding me? Is it that all my feelings are passing? Or i just should appreciate everything i have ? Or this whole, i can escape this is also a capitalistic culture to think i can be beyond capitalism?
Being in a place, where people make futuristic claims and products but where everything looks like it’s all still the 80s and people dress as if they don’t know colours beyond the 3 they wear, is kind of exhausting.
Maybe this is a part of me that say, okay burn out is coming, take rest before it’s unrepairable.
🍄How days are? Quite,silent without pleasing anything around,just satisfactory enough.🍊🌷
🍄Credits:
Top two-Heyluchie
Bottom left - unknown ( please let me know if you know the artist)
Bottom right-Tuesdayalissia
American core? American Core core? Corecore?
Movies,anime,shows, documentary about art school or art:
I like all of them so very much that I made a list to send it to people who might be struggling with their art practice and a spark of inspiration outside of themselves might put them back into creating.
🍊 Honey and clover
🍊 Gallery Fake
🍊 Sketch book, full colour
🍊 Blue period
🍊 Barakamon
🍊 Miss Hokusai
🍊 Arte
🍊 Grayson’s Art Club
🍊 Louise Bourgeois: The Spider, the Mistress and the Tangerine, 2008
🍊 10 Years with Hayao Miyazaki
🍊 Big Eyes, 2014
🍊 Yarn, 2016
🍊 Close-Knit
🍊 Food Party ( Thu tran)
🍊 Chi-hwa-seon/Painted Fire (2002): The Story of Jang Seung-up
🫑🎈🍦🌈
When I consume Apocalyptic/ Dystopian content, i often wonder if I was put in that situation where i am alive somehow, I would also be the first person to 💀🥀.
I have no skills. What am I going to do? Throw my half finished projects at people/zombies?
When they come to collect people for skills needed for the new generation my skills would be:
- i know how to do knit but not the purl stich
- I can crochet, but half way i forget if I was doing a double or a treble crochet stich
- My handwriting is pretty neat and cursive - skill nobody needs
- I can cook only vegetarian meals very well without recipes, but i need salt and roasted sesame oil for everything
Yesterday all the marketing emails rolled together, hand in hand, into my inbox ~BHM~ I wanted to yell, please don’t commodify this. But they were selling lipsticks, maye be it’s hard to make profit from lipsticks and my practical empathy said-they didn’t know any better.
27/01/2023
A week of thoughts inside my head and somehow it seeped into my life too. I always question my emotions so much, but I let it all out.
People are fragile and resilient, it is true that they can be both at the same time.
When i drink water, while it goes slowly down my throat, I always think of the day, one day, when I did not care at all and how wonderful apathy felt.
6/1/2023
This week i listen as much as possible very less to my head.It is a practice, that I am taking very seriously. It is very difficult, since I always have over thought and under did.
This week I also made some good tomato 🍚 and wrote everyday in my journal at night.
11/11/2021 🦊:
My spirit animal is a fox and i feel like they guide me.
🌌 1/11/2021
❤️🩹 It always feels like times running and i am left behind. Where is time running? Who is running with it? What is it’s destination? I really don’t know!
☔ 22/09/2021 Tuesday
There is anger in you, you are not an angry person. Let the anger flow, if you don’t it becomes something else. It turns into sadness, selfishness, confusion. Have a way to feel your anger. Have rules to feel it.
Here are my rules to feel my anger:
👂While feeling my anger i don’t need to harm other people physical mentally or emotionally
👂 Since feeling my anger is a good thing, i will not feel guilty for it
👂 I will cry about my anger
👂 I will write down a out my anger and burn it
👂 If i am angry about the same thing more than 3 times i will figure out the reason in depth
👂 I will not empathize with people who made.me.angry, i will also no vilify them
👂 Like happiness, it is best to keep anger to myself
👂 Take time out weekly to feel anger